i'm a thirty year old woman, with no house of my own, no car, no work, not married, no children and almost broke. i have no cool mobile phone, i don't have a gold ring or any valuable jewelry, no trendy shoes or stylish clothes, my resumes average and i haven't gone to the spa for good two years.

i could go on and on, there' s a long list, actually of the many, that i don't have. To add up, i never became a Doctor as i promised my old man and i never paid anything for him. there's a lot of the disappointments and frustrations i have for myself and there's nothing i can do about it. sometimes i think am i that loser who eats corned beef for breakfast lunch and dinner? who does not have work and takes a bath once in a day?

while writing this self loathing essay to myself, my two months half syberian husky baby comes to me and licks my foot asking for milk. i go to the fridge pours him a milk and waits for him to drink, instead me licks me and puts his left paw to my lap as if saying everything's gonna be fine. he then proceeded drinking his milk snack delight. that got me thinking, i have a breed dog who loves and adores me, i have a lappy, a tv, a blender(which i won on a gambling night) and a topsider shoes. Does that count for anything? I have a 9 yr relationship and faithfull partner, i have supportive sisters and comforting brothers. i have a prayerful dada who prays for me 24/7 and a mom who loves and guides me all through out.

yeah i can perhaps convince myself somehow that it will be alright. after all i do wake up every morning with sense of urgency to do something about me, only after thirty years its the same, but thats good right? i mean, atleast i wake up.

so next time i feel all peppered up, i will tell my self, " count your blessings!!!! u eat 3x a day and u have ruppie in your wallet!" ( not to mention dollars$$$$$$)