raining wet

one thing that makes me scream and jump over the thorned fence is jello. yes people jello. with its sour bitter honey taste that seems to melt in your mouth and is hugged and loved by your tongue.. yeah yeah... i know m crazy. what can i do? i was born this way, raised this way,lived this way. i miss the life i had before but it doesn't mean that i wanna go back to my old ways. its much harder to ignore the fact that i am healthier, happier and peaceful. although i cant go like i used to, all those crazy dusk to dawn parties, drink till you drop,smoke till u cant breath way of life, its much easier to deal with the fact that i am living for a reason and that my life now has finally found it purpose and direction. it sounds so responsible and mature to have finally said this but my dear friends its more fulfilling to actually experience it. its like in the end of the day as you go by your prayer( yes i do pray often now) and ask yourself `what have i done and finished today?`
for so many reasons in the world i chose not to be here, resisted the idea of ever living here even for a while, thinking i would loose my mind and that i will be bored, begged the almighty father not to ever bring me here. the ending, I'm here, having the time of my life, having a blast of every moment. for every bone in my body resisted, yet m here in very place I resented and God said I'll be here until i learn the lesson i keep on missing and until i finally see the light. i wake in the morning with a prayer and sleep at night with a prayer, smiling to myself thinking that God really is weird. weird and cool. weird , cool and exasperating. weird, cool, exasperating and mighty awesome.He knows and HE gives a damn.have a happy life! shaw!

happy feet

me and my bes bud have this weird happy level check. its like we always or if not from time to time remind each other to stay happy, choose to be happy and decide to be happy. it works for me really, and i guess it works for her as well coz she keeps ranting about it... hehehe( lav u ice)

me and my bes bud are the best. we always have a special treatment for everything else. like the way we drink beer or the way we smile or the way we accomodate people. (gosh bes... we're so much alike!!!!!). one thing i like about my bes bud is that she has this special way of laughing when she's really really light.. she snorts. yes my friends(and enemies) my bes bud snorts!!!!!! and i have to reveal too that i snort as well... (yes bes i DO) and i snort when i laugh harder than hard.

and who cares if we snort like pigs? i like to snort. correction... i love to snort. i am happy that's why. and with all the love and happiness in the world who doesn't want smiling faces and happy snortings? and yes, we are happy snorting conniving bitches and who cares about noses that bleed from loneliness and dysfunctional brain with so much confusion, pain and self-pity to spread? i dont. do you?( i hope you read this cuz)

and though my bes buds single(n shes ever happy) and im willingly taken life is worth the risk worth everything. bcoz thats what lifes about. its about high level happiness, overflowing love, over boosting laughter and overdozes of snorting.

and with so much more its all about being happy.
as i think about my bes bud, my feets tapping in a happy rhythm... more like a happy feet.

foot wet

i am listening to the song of the 3 doors down which is the here without you, and i am suddenly lost. there are many things running through my head and i just cant form them into words.



i am thinking of my guy. the things we had, the plans, the love, the honesty, the faithfulness. i am thinking how much is left. will there be something for us? i've mentioned before... its really hard to make me stay. there are temptations... yes, but i try to stay away.



it gets harder as one grows old. somewhere , someday you have to commit whether you like it or not.no body said that it would so much hardwork and responsibility. nobody said it would take a lot of time and effort and self discipline. i miss being carefree and careless. its less complicated.



me myself and i. mighty trio. overrated. sigh..

iver learned something today. that a bottle of super mega over freezing beer fixes your unmanageble head and one stick of cigarrete wpuld make you smile and calm.....yey!

on the other side

i came across a tiny sheet of paper while i was fixin my old junks. it read...

dear daddy when i grow old i will be a doctor and i will cure ur sickness and i will take care of your bills and meds so you wont have to pay. love charmie

i cried. i am no doctor and i still havent paid for anything for my dad. life sucks...